Recently my 16 year old has been dealing with a break-up from a boy that she really liked. I mean really, really liked. They hadn’t been seeing each other very long (and I don’t even know that they would call it “seeing each other”), but the separation hurt. To add salt to the wound, he has been less-than-decent since and now seems to have a new girl after telling my daughter he didn’t want a relationship with anyone. A girl that he is all cute and flirty with in front of my daughter and who is in a few of her classes at school. While there is a whole lot more to this story, the result is that my daughter now feels like she isn’t good enough. What does that girl have that I don’t? Why does he keep lying to me? Telling me he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone and that he and the girl are “just friends” when clearly they aren’t.
This is killing me. Just stabbing me in the stomach and aching for how hurt she is. I remember those feelings. I remember a certain boyfriend that I had dated for a year who cheated on me, started dating the girl he cheated with, and then mocked me in the hallways of our tiny school. All I could do was not look at him. Walk by like I didn’t even see him. Ignore the laughs and the two of them snuggling at his locker. Puke. I know how she feels.
She feels like her intestines have been ripped right out of her body. Her heart physically aches. Her head can’t stop thinking of him and all that she had with him for that brief period of time. I know that time will heal this. I know that someday she look back on this and think about that stupid boy and thank God that she dodged that bullet. I want her to know that he is just a step on the path to who she is meant to be with. As great of a guy as we initially thought he was, someone better is out there.
My biggest concern is for her self-esteem which wasn’t great to begin with. This is a huge hit. Seeing this girl sitting in the seat right in front of her in class every day doesn’t help. I hope that someday my daughter will realize how great she is and how beautiful she is and talented and smart and wonderful. I hope she realizes someday that any boy is lucky to have even a friendship with her. She thinks that she scared him off. She thinks she was too intense. I told her that the right person will love that about her. He will love that she is passionate and silly and dedicated and supportive. He will be able to handle having big feelings for her and be able to handle her big feelings for him.
I want her to believe that just because this chapter ended doesn’t mean the whole book ended. It’s going to hurt for a while, and she may have to figure out another way to get to her classes so she doesn’t see him. Eventually, it will get better. Until it does, there are going to be tears and a lot of sad nights second guessing every interaction she had with him. I hurt for her. I want to take all of that pain from her and hold it all myself for as long as it takes for her to move past him. I want to make it all better. Until I can make that happen, I will listen to her talk about it, answer her texts of frustration and anguish, hold her while she cries, and secretly hope that boy never runs into me without several witnesses around for his own safety. I will tell her every day that she is perfect and to be proud and to stand tall. Don’t let anyone, even this boy, take that away. I promise it will get better.
Love you, Sweetie.
