Earlier this week I wrote about the grief I have experienced with the loss of four young people in my and my family’s lives. As you move through something like this, and more importantly, as you support your children through something like this, you have to find something to hang onto. For many people that is creating something in memory of, honor of, celebration of the person they’ve lost. While the last post I wrote was very sad, this one is going to be a little happier. A little lighter. A little more full of hope.
I have said before that no one tells you when you become a parent that you might have to help your child help their friend die. No one is supposed to do that. What comes next is more important. Whether the loss was expected or unexpected, you have to help your child, and yourself, live in this world that is a little less bright.
When I think about the four people that we have lost, I think about their personalities and what they accomplished in this world. How would they be living if they were here today? If they could tell you how they want to be remembered, what would they say? In all of these instances, these four people would tell us to go make a difference in the world. Be great. Be bright. Find fun and happiness wherever and whenever you can even if it’s small and only for a few minutes. When your outlook on life and the world around you is that it is a never-ending playground, a never-ending dance floor, football field, beach, you are excited and looking for how wonderful all of the parts of it are. Those are the pieces of these people that we are supposed to take with us and spread out into the world. Spread Some Sparkle. Share Kindness. Believe. And wear a crown while you do it because you are the shit.
This is what is going to pull you through. Believing that there is more out there and that the least you can do for the people you have lost is to carry on and live the life they couldn’t.
If Erin were here, I think she would be living it up at college. She would have glitter on everything and make a party wherever she went.
If Cole were here, he would be cheering for whatever team he was coaching, pushing those kids to be the best they could be, and building them to believe in themselves.
If Colton were here, he would be laughing and eating and probably getting into trouble, but also making everyone feel like they were a part of the group.
If Camila were here, she would be telling you to hold your head up, don’t take crap from anyone, know your worth, and girl—kick that boy to the curb if he doesn’t value you like the queen you are.
This week were are focusing on positivity and sharing kindness in Colton’s memory. We do the same thing in early September for Erin. We are paying it forward raising funds to help other kids participate in activities with the Colton’s Green Socks Foundation. In a few weeks, we are going have a ton of fun running a 5k, painting faces, and raising a ton of money with The Sparkle Run to help families with children affected by cancer. Soon scholarships will go out to students at two high schools who embody Cole’s spirit and drive. And in between all of it, Madison and her friends will walk down the block and around the corner from our house and take Camila’s little sister and brother for a walk or to the park and share stories about her that they were too little to remember. Big things and small things. Remembering and celebrating. Always with an eye to the future and holding hope and positivity in your hand.
So while there is a time for tears, and there will be plenty, there is also a time for saying “How can I do better? Who can I help? What am I grateful for? How can I keep their spirit shining?” The world really is a beautiful place. You are beautiful.
Go out there and be great.
Peace from the Shiny, Sparkling Edge,
Julia
