Last week was a pretty emotionally heavy week for my posts. This week let’s make things a little lighter and more hopeful! I started out the year posting about my theme for the year and my subtheme for the month of January. I would like to continue that by talking about my subthemes for February and March. I chose to wait until now to talk about the February one because, well, if I talked about it last month, I would have given away the big surprise, and I had some timing that I needed to be cognizant of. Now I’m ready to talk about The Big Three—Fear, Regret, and Courage.
For February I chose the theme “Let Your Fear of Regret be Stronger Than Your Fear of Failure.” This was very poignant as February was the month when I knew I was going to make my move. I started to plan for resigning from my job while at the same time planning a new business. As I made this decision to actually do this thing, I kept wondering if this was the right choice or the right time to make this choice. I kept going back to my theme and telling myself that there was never going to be a perfect time. If I stay at my job and stay at the pace that I am going with keeping up with family and the other passions I want to pursue, I would never get this business off the ground. I could stay where I’m at, juggling laundry and making meals and dogs and running and when would I have time to work on this? It had become clear that I would have time unless I made the time. I just could not stand the thought of being in this same mental place in five years and wishing I had done something different. I know I’m not that old, but I’m not that young either. If I want to make a big life change, I might as well make it now so I have time to build the business and do the things that I want to do.
Fear of Regret:
- Not being able to run as much as I want.
- Being tied to a desk in an office.
- Working on someone else’s schedule.
- Not providing the services that I really feel are needed.
- Not being as available to my kids, husband, parents, and family as I would like to be.
Fear of Failure:
- First of all, I don’t like that word, so I’m not using it again.
- Not being able to replace my income or benefits.
- Having to take another job to supplement my income. (But is that really a “failure?” I don’t think so.)
Our dance studio owner said something to Mackenzie once that has always stuck with me. Mackenzie was very frustrated with some things at dance and was considering quitting. I wanted her to stay because I knew how good she could be and it was really just this one thing holding her back. We decided to talk to the owner to get some other thoughts on it. The owner told her that she needed to think about the worst thing that could happen if she stayed and what she would do about it. Then think about the worst thing that could happen if she left and what she could do about that. The owner told her that she needed to decide which one of those she could live with easier and that was her answer. Which regrets, which fears, was she willing to live with? Mackenzie ultimately decided to stay and is so grateful that she did. That next year was the one where she really proved to everyone how good she is and how hard she is willing to work to get better.
Moving onto March, my theme followed up the one from February. “Courage Does Not Mean You Don’t Get Afraid. Courage Means You Don’t Let the Fear Stop You.” This could not be better suited for this month. When I officially resigned from my job, I was so excited for what comes next. To start my own business and make plans for what that would look like. I had three months before I would leave the place I have been going to at least four days a week for 19 years. Plenty of time.
Enter Spring Break.
The whole break was kind of messed up for many reasons, but the reality of what I had done hit me. What would my days be like? Would I stay focused or be distracted by housework? I had announced my camps and what if no one registered? What if no one wants to change their life and sign up for wellness coaching? What if I don’t make enough money and what happens then? I already knew my husband was nervous about this. I had assured him I would make it happen one way or another. But what if I can’t?? What have I done?
FYI…when you start to think this way and let the fear overtake you, you have about a four-day panic attack complete with heart palpitations, an upset stomach, and racing thoughts. 10/10 do not recommend.
It took a lot to push those fears aside. I really had to focus on the regrets I don’t want to have and tell myself that I will Make It Happen one way or another. I don’t have all of the answers yet, but if I wait for that, I may never take the chance. I had to practically force myself to get up and do things because I mostly felt paralyzed, nauseated, and disoriented. There was a lot of self-talk to pull myself into action.
“Courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyway.” –Oprah Winfrey
So here we are. Almost the end of March. Two months until I am done as a full-time employee for someone else. Two months to get camp supplies, figure out specific schedules and activities and meals, to get kids registered, and to take a HUGE leap out on my own. I’m kind of afraid. But I’m doing it anyway.
Peace from The Edge,
Julia
