When I left my full-time job almost 3 years ago to pursue my own business, it was not a decision I took lightly. I had thought about it for several years. I figured out what kind of income I would need to cover not only my salary but insurance, retirement contribution, and hopefully have a little extra. I made a little collage and wrote down all of the reasons I was leaving the security of a job that I had for 18 years. At the top of the that collage was the word “Courage.” I had even bought a whole pack of stickers just to use one that was that word. Normally I would never dream to leave a consistent income without having another one in place, but that’s how much I knew I needed a change. Other words on that collage are “Brave, Brilliant, Bold,” “Don’t you dare give up!” and “It only takes 2 seconds of courage.” It took ALL all of that inspiration to put together a plan for my business and to get to a point where I could hand my supervisor my resignation letter. Leaving was emotional, but I knew that I needed to do this for me and my family.
Fast forward 2 ½ years—my business is not taking off the way I hoped it would. I have not had a stable income. My daily stress level is close to being back to where it was prior to leaving that job. I do have several part-time jobs that I work and, while I love all of them, nothing is replacing that income. Is there more I could be doing to get my business going? I’m sure there is. But wait! Imposter syndrome is here to keep me pushed back just enough that I don’t really go for it.
I made another college about a year later. This one says things like “Trust the Journey,” “Let your heart lead you,” and “You Got This.” I was feeling a little lost at the time and figuring out my next steps. This collage was meant to reignite my hope in my plan and my belief in myself.
All of this brings me to where I am today. It’s a place a lot of you may be when you are in the middle of making big changes, re-evaluating where you are, and thinking toward the future. Sometimes we get lost in the process or even take wrong turns. Not everything is a clear path. Doubt creeps in. This is when, no matter what it is that we are doing, when we get frustrated, confused, scared, that we need to remember why we started down this path in the first place. Sometimes it’s hard to remember all of those reasons. We can start to wonder if they are even worth it.
We all have to answer that question for ourselves. No one can give us the answer. We all have our reasons for anything—the meal we make for dinner that has vegetables so our family eats healthy, the job we go to because we need adult interaction and love our co-workers, the landscaping project we started because we wanted to have flowers in the front yard. All of these things have reasons behind them. When things get hard and we want to quit, we have to keep that goal, that reason we started, in focus. Now sometimes we will actually realize that the goal isn’t worth what we are putting into it or maybe there is another way to accomplish it. That is when we change direction, make adjustments, and continue on.
I have been feeling particularly frustrated for a few months now. I feel stuck. I feel like I don’t have the energy to figure out a new path because the one I’m on doesn’t seem to be leading me in the direction I want to go. There are a lot of things contributing to these feelings—my kids are out of high school and not living here consistently which is a whole new phase of life. The state of our country these days is troubling. The winter that is cold and dark—mostly dark—with no snow—is depressing. Snow makes winter better.
So what did I do? My daughter and I made vision boards this week! My theme for January is Remember Why You Started, and I have been thinking about it a lot this month. Making the vision boards not only helped me think about what I really want this year, but also gave me a creative outlet. I really focused in on what I am working toward more-so than how I will get there. I know I can do it, and it is going to take hard work. Nothing worth having is going to be placed in your lap. Most things come through working hard. Now that I have this literal picture clear and in front of me, I can focus on the steps to get there.
When I look back at that first collage, which was really a small vision board, I see the reasons that I listed for leaving my job and wanting a change.
- More available to my family
- Work from anywhere
- Improved mental health
- More running
- Trips and Adventures
- Remodel House
I can see now what I have accomplished and what I am still working on. I need to be patient but keep working. I need to have a plan but be able to pivot and adjust. I need to be thankful for the things that I have done. All the while, I need to remember that my goals and vision are still there, and still worth it, even when they seem further away that I had originally thought.
I encourage you all to keep those reasons in sight for whatever you are working toward. Think of how good you will feel when you can stand at the finish of whatever you have been working on and know that you did this. You made it happen.
Peace from The Edge,
Julia
