Motivation: The Why and the Why Nots

Let’s talk about Motivation.  It’s such an inspiring word—full of inspiration, determination, all the –tions.  As we approach the New Year and are all setting goals for things we would like to accomplish, I wanted to take a moment to touch on this word and how important it can be.  In my work now, motivation is the key factor to whether or not my patients achieve their goals on a weekly basis.  I myself have struggled with motivation over the years and have done a great deal of processing my own motivation in working toward different goals particularly in the past year.

For Starters, What is Motivation?  

I have been looking at several definitions for it and found some really good ones.  I’ve seen it referred to as a force, influence, impulse, process, or urge.  It is rooted in desired outcomes, minimizing pain, real or perceived effort, and desires. What it comes down to is that motivation is your Why.  Why are you wanting to achieve this goal?  What is the outcome that you are looking for?  The desirability of that outcome needs to be stronger than staying where you are and not taking action. 

There are several reasons we may not take action whether it is cleaning the bathroom, reading a textbook, or climbing a mountain—the reward is not greater than your current state of being.  When that bathroom becomes so disgusting that your kid may use it for their school science experiment, it might be enough to get you to clean it.  When you realize that by not reading the textbook means you don’t pass the test which means that you don’t pass the class which means that you don’t graduate, you are more inclined to read the text book.  When the thrill and sense of accomplishment you feel standing on top of that mountain eats at you until you can’t wait anymore, you will buy the gear, start training, and figure out how you are going to make that climb happen. 

That Why determines EVERYTHING.  So why is it that some people seem to have more motivation than others?  Why do some people take big leaps, do big things, and others struggle to get their dishes done?  While there are several factors that go into that, one of the big ones is Fear.  Fear can grip us and hold us back and make us miserable.  Sometimes it’s the fear of failing or being hurt.  Sometimes it’s the fear of being embarrassed in front of others.  Maybe you are afraid that you won’t actually like the outcome. Now fear may not be holding you back from cleaning that bathroom or reading that text book, but fear can hold you back from taking chances be it trying a new vegetable that might taste yucky or climbing that mountain that you might fall off of and die.  Some people are good at pushing that fear aside and taking action.  Here’s a hint: the more you do it, the easier it will become.

Why Can’t I Do It?

Another thing that holds us back is our belief that we can do the thing we want to do.  When you believe you can do it, you are more likely to attempt it.  This is called self-efficacy.  The more sure you are that you can do something, the less afraid of it you are because you have a pretty good idea of what the outcome will be.  This is why when we set goals, we need to set small, achievable ones that take us in the direction of our bigger goal.  Once we achieve those small things, we start to build our self-efficacy, and we start setting bigger goals.  Basically, it’s practice makes perfect. 

While we’re talking about practice, don’t be afraid to make mistakes.  Mistakes are how we figure out what’s working and what isn’t.  Take everything you know about whatever it is that you are trying to do and make a decision about how to do it.  If it doesn’t work out, you reformulate your plan and try again.  Except in extremely rare circumstances, failure isn’t fatal. As you keep trying and practicing, it will get easier to take the chance and try something again.  Once it works out and you are successful, your Self-Efficacy will build making it easier to take on new challenges.

Building Motivation-5 Steps

Alright, we’ve talked about your Why.  We’ve talked about Fear. We’ve talked about Self-Efficacy.  What now?  How does knowing these things help me clean that bathroom, let alone climb a mountain?  Well, dear friend, let’s put it all together. What can you do to build motivation to take the steps to do the thing?

1. Stop thinking you can’t.  Start thinking that you can.  Put that talk out of your head, and start thinking that you can no matter how crazy it sounds.
2. Get okay with making a mess.  This could be a literal mess or a figurative mess.  Progress isn’t going to happen without a mess.  You can clean it all up as you go. 
3. Break down the thing you want to do into smaller parts like the classic saying, “Don’t bite off more than you can chew.” 
4. Do the first small step.  Is that small part, that first step, buying cleaning supplies for that train wreck of a bathroom?  Do that.  You know how.  You can. You know you can. You are now one step closer to the goal.
5. Celebrate that!  Celebrate each step you complete along the way.  Now, I admittedly am not good about this part.  I’m like, “Yay.  I bought toilet cleaner.  Awesome.”  However, maybe if I were to celebrate those small steps a little more, I would get that excited feeling that would push me toward the next step.  Then it might look like, “YAY!!!  I bought toilet cleaner!!  I’m one step closer to cleaning the bathroom! Let’s DO this!!”  Just that little bit of that feeling of excitement can be enough to push you and your rubber gloves toward that end goal of a sparkling, clean bathroom that you aren’t afraid to use. 

There are so many bloggers, podcasters, authors, coaches and psychologists that I have read and listened to in the past couple of years as I am pursuing my bigger goal of starting my own business in addition to Wellcoaches wellness coach training and a graduate degree in counseling psychology. I am still learning each day about motivation and how to build it in myself and others.  Sometimes you have a breakthrough moment as you look at yourself and your behavior, and it pulls together many of the things you have read and heard, and it all makes sense.  THIS is what they were talking about! I see it now!  While there are many more sub-constructs and nuances of motivation, I tried to hit on the highlights here and realize that I could probably write 10 more posts on all of the things that go into motivation. 

It all comes down to this—What is your Why, and how much do you want it?

Peace from The Edge,

Julia